over the last 10 years, i have lived in 4 cities, 9 houses, had 6 different beds, 4 different flatmates, 4 different vocations, multiple dreams and the same pillow…

even while growing up we lived in 8 – 10 different houses. no place was home for a long time. i’ve moved ‘home’ almost every two years, all my life! makes me wonder what IS home for me?

today every time i shift i wonder what will unsettle me… that the maid who knows how i like the stove to be shining with no lines of the wiping cloth is now cleaning someone else’s kitchen? that the milkmen whom i have established a trusting relationship with that i do not have to maintain an account for the milk is no longer close by? that the car cleaner who cleaned my bike for free is not there? that the cheerful carpenter who willingly comes all the way to puncture my wall for my frames and knickknacks lives too far now? that friends are too far away and at times in different cities, forgotten? that my favourite restaurant / pub / disc is not an option anymore on that listless saturday? that the grocer who recognises my voice when i call and knows where to deliver the order? that i won’t see the sparrows that chirped and fought over the grains on the window sill? will i miss that breeze that flows through my bedroom into my drawing room and makes the chime chime? that makes the other bedroom door slam and broke some bits of the wall? 

most times, i like the change. embrace it like a car going downhill without brakes, full speed. yes, it could be my defense mechanism, why mourn about things i can’t hold onto… but i think genuinely like new spaces, like the challenge of making them mine, owning them, and always starting from a blank canvas… 

after almost two months of work on the interiors, countless trips to the ‘new’ house, and total silence from me here, this weekend, we moved into our place. by ‘our’ i don’t mean a rental agreement lasting for 11 months and giving the landlord power to throw us out with a month’s notice. by ‘our’ in a way that means we will be debtors for the next 15 – 20 years with a loan so huge that at times it is really daunting and worrying…

this is home. and this is where i will be, for now and maybe forever. and after all this shifting and moving and building nests, i pause to ponder… and a new set of questions assuage me? will i get bored?